Infertility: Dealing With Insensistive Comments

By: Victoria Caldwell

Hardly a person embarks on the journey of infertility without receiving the insensitive remarks often made often by people we hold very near and dear. It could be the “I’m trying to help you by telling you that you are the problem and should just relax” comments or the “God is punishing you because you are not a good person” type of comment. Whatever the situation may be, there are a few strategies to handle such insensitivity (violence is not one of them).

In the beginning the “just relax” comments are not that annoying. However, after some time these comments become very frustrating and seemingly rude. To handle these comments, try to remember that the person is not intentionally trying to downplay your feelings but instead they are trying to reassure you that everything will be ok. A simple and polite response could be “I wish it were that simple for everyone, but unfortunately some of us have to work a little harder." This type of reply respectfully makes them aware that there may be other issues and that you do not necessarily want to discuss. Additionally, you can simply explain to the person this type of comment suggests that they are undermining a possible medical problem and can come off as very insensitive. Be polite but straightforward about how the comments make you feel but do not try to ignore the ill feelings hoping they will go away, this only adds to the stress.

Then, there are the other insensitive comments. With these comments, evaluate who is making them. It’s not worth responding to someone who is intentionally trying to hurt your feelings. Seriously, anyone who makes such a comment is not worthy of a response. Cordially end the conversation and never discuss the issue with them again. The key here is not to get noticeably annoyed. Your anger will only serve the purpose of amusing them.

In cases of the insensitive mil (mother in law) the above rule still applies. The difference here is that she is more likely to constantly be involved because of the nature of the relationship. But, it doesn’t mean that you have to discuss the subject if you don’t think that it will be beneficial. If your relationship is such that you can have a heart to heart with her, then do so. If not, then let it be and refuse (politely) to discuss this subject with her. Here, you and your husband will need to address the issue and find ways to cleverly get her to back off. Sometimes simply hearing it from her son is enough. Remember your goal is to reduce the stress in your life and one way is to refuse to let such a situation to be a major source of stress in your life. Stay positive and focused and use the remarks as a source of determination.

Infertility can be mentally, physically and emotionally draining. My personal advice is try not be discouraged. You can either address the issue or forgive it and move on. The emphasis here is on the move on. Forgiving someone, doesn’t mean you have to be a constant victim of ridicule. Remember all of the things that you have to be happy about and use them as a source of strength. It’s normal to feel upset and distressed. Fortunately for you, they do not control your fate. They can only be a major source of stress, and only if you allow it. The ball is in your court on this one.

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